Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
