My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
