Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
