plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
