I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
