Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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