i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
