So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
