when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
