Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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