sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
