I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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