Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
