It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
