there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
