is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His hands were made for my vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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