New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
