it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
