Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
