I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
