we have pet lesbian snakes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
