Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
