Do you still have your period?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
