the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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