Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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