Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
