ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can feel your judgement through the phone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
