He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
