I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
