Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
