Non-Jews are for practice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
