Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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