There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
