No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
