I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
