Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
