Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
