Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
