Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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