I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
