Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
