she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
