HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
