I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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