i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
