You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
