I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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