I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
