I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
