No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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