I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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