So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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