Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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